December 2023 – My God Can

We Don’t Always Understand

There has been several times I didn’t understand what God was doing in my life or if He could actually understand what was going on. One particular time always reminds me how Awesome He is, even when we don’t see it.

It was March 2002. I was pregnant with my first living child and I was showing a great deal. My husband was working at a Dredging company nearby (where he worked for nearly 20 years). We were making good money and we had just moved into our home. Life was going well. My husband often worked on the dredges days or months at a time so I was use to having him gone. We were a little nervous about me having so many issues and being pregnant and due a few months later, but we prayed about it and believed that this would be a good time for us to make some extra money. Everything was as normal as the next. I went over to my in-laws house because I was having night sweats anud small cramps and I just wanted to be near humans. My husbands dredge was going to go up the atlantic in to Delaware, drop off it’s load and then travel down to the Atlantic near North Carolina before coming back home to Virginia. I would talk to him the next morning and he would tell me how beautiful the sunrise was and about the birds following the barge and tug. We have a saying, one of us says, “May the Lord bless you and keep you” and the other one says, “may His face shine upon you, I love you always and forever”. We said this, but something felt off about this day. In a few hours the pains I had been feeling became more intense and my mother-in-law and I would walk up and down the road for a few hours until I called the doctor. She told me that they were just braxton and hicks and normal about this time in my pregnancy. Convinced I hung up, but the pains became more intense. My inlaws and I walked up and down the road for 9 hours and we would contact the doctor several more times. She told us that when the pains became closer together (about 2min together) then I needed to go to the hospital right away. They started out being 1/2 hour apart for the first 5 or 6 hours. Then they were 15 min apart and about 9 hours later they became 2 min apart. The doctor said that she was the only one on call and she had already delivered 2 other premature babies and she didn’t want a third one. My in-laws were able to get the CEO of the dredging company to go get my husband off the barge and bring him home because we were all convinced this baby was coming 2 months early.

At the hospital, they checked me and realized that I was 3 cm dilated and the baby was 98% effaced and my pubic bone had broken in half. We were all just waiting for my water to break because no matter what, this baby was on her way. I prayed that God would help us right now, help the baby who was coming too soon, help her daddy who was trying to quickly get here in time and help me, as I was scared out of my mind! My husband came safely and he came into the room and laid his hand on our baby and asked God to protect her and to give me peace. The hospital recorded how many contractions I had and I had just had a huge one before he came in. Then, the monitor became quiet and all activity ceased. My body stopped having contractions, the baby’s heart was no longer stressed, it was as if she knew her daddy was there and she went right to sleep. They kept me over night to monitor the baby and me and my husband slept in the chair next to me. The next day I went home.

Only two hours after we had gotten home my husband had received a phone call. He was told that while we were in the hospital almost having a baby, the tug driver got drunk and rammed the bridge into a bridge. Only two people on the dredge survived and we needed to drive the two wives to Delaware to see their husbands. Sixteen people lost their lives and my husband would have been on the lower level of the badge sleeping if he was not with me. Sixteen families would wake up learning about the deaths of their sons, husbands, fathers, or friends. I would ride in the back seat with one of these women (one got a ride with her brother), she was only told she would see her husband because she wasn’t even told if he was dead or alive. We talked about the birth pains and about how her husband was’t there for her first baby but he made it a point to be there for the next one. We discussed the love we have for our husbands and how we had wished they had a different job then working on the barges and how we both wished we could find them another job. We prayed together and wondered what Delaware was like and why we had to go up there, why not somewhere near us. It felt like a LONG trip even though it was only a few hours. Once we got there we saw news people, cameras and monitors and the hospital staff and police pushed us past everyone wanting to know what had just happened. Thankfully, both the wives were welcomed by husbands that were alive, because of some miracle. We were told about how the others perished and a young boy even died as he jumped in to save his father. I felt guilty being excited that our daughter wasn’t born yet and her daddy was still alive.

As the many years have transpired since then, we have kept up with a few of the families that lost someone that day. It still amazes me when I think of the pain I felt from nearly having a baby and the pain of trying to walk with a broken bone. God was there, He used my baby in His perfect plan to save the daddy she loves so much.

We learned that it may not make sense to us, but God, will use one way or the other to create a miracle.

New Year

In just a few hours the year will change from 2023-2024. In 1974 my mother was hoping I would be born the night of the new year, though. God had another idea. Many people say that I was born on the 7th day because 7 is a lucky number. Some have even gone out to say that 7 is a Godly number. Either way, I came right when God had intended for me to come. I believe that God has destined all of us to be born on specific days and times because He had a perfect plan that would start at that very moment of life. Each of us live out that plan and even when you have no idea what plan God has for your life, your life is already in the plan of action. For so many years after I became a Christian I wondered what plan I was apart of, why would God want me with Him, how could I be apart of any part of a perfect plan. I was just a me, I was broken, abused, raped, lied to and lied about. I was handicapped, born with both mental and physical issues that no one wanted to account for. Why would the God of the universe want ME?

Even as I grew in the faith. Even as I saw the miracles that God would show me, I still didn’t understand why He wanted me or what I could ever offer to help Him.

After these last few years, I realized, that God was using me my whole life. Even when I was trying to show that he didn’t exist. Even when I yelled out to Him that neither did I believe that He existed and I would never want to. He was using me!

Just like you, your whole life He has planned out. Yes, some of it sucked! Some of it hurt! You tried to disprove Him. It is possible that you were told He doesn’t exist or that if you don’t believe in Him, things won’t be bad. I am here to tell you I get it! I understand and so many other people understand too. We also understand that even in the pain, even in the quietness, the loneliness, the fear, the tears, there IS a GOD that loves you, that holds you, that hugs you and even though everything is wrong, He is right. He is the only right. I couldn’t understand why I had to go through all the pain as a child and even as a grown-up, but then I realized that God isn’t in control of the sin or the stupidity of people. He doesn’t control the demons and Satan whose primary goal is to steal and destroy. However; God CAN use the bad to create good, just, and love.

My baby died so that I could live eternally with Him. I had to walk up and down the road for 9 hours in labor 3 months early to save my husband’s life. My husband had to lose the only job that he knew to allow us to see and understand what it meant to be poor. I had to have addictions so that God could show me how to help others. I was abused and raped to prove that God can use me. I had to have Trisomy X to show that even handicapped people have a purpose on this Earth. I had to have a brain bleed and fight for my life these last few years to show how God can do miraculous things even today.

As I go into this new year my paradigm has changed. I am no longer wondering how God could use me, I already know. Now, I am going to live the rest of my life, He has miraculously given me to prove that He isn’t just able to make the brokenhearted whole, but He will do it in a mighty way that no one can fathom.

In the New Year of 2024 if you don’t believe that God can…take a chance and ask Him to make Himself real to you in all your situations; the good, bad, and the ugly. I have no doubt that you will find that YOU ARE ALREADY A PERFECT PLAN

Birds

Birds, what do you know abou them? Did you know that the horror movie, Birds, was based on actual events? Birds are one of those amazing parts of creation that are both cute, amazing and curious. When I was a little girl I owned a parakeet that I named, “Baby Boy Blue”. He was a boy and had blue and green feathers. I was taught that some species of birds, especially exotic birds, have a blue band across their beak to show they are a boy. Every day birds have another way of showing their gender. Girl birds are less colorful while their male counterparts are made of vibrant colors. Birds like Peacocks have both the blue on the beak as well as vibrant coloration for the male birds. They get all the luck! However, female birds are beautiful in their own right!

Geese are hard to tell the difference. The Canadian geese all look alike, but if you look at them a little harder you will notice that some of them have really long necks and some have short ones. The ones with long necks are the males and the ones with the short necks are the females.

God created them to be so beautiful, and to remind us of how awesome He is. He thought of everything when He created birds! He knew that humans would need something to talk to, something to watch, something to feel peaceful with.

Blackbirds and Crows are some of the smartest birds in the world! Oddly, they may be loud and annoying, but, they are simply saying, “Hello”, “good morning”, and “have a good day”. They might even be warning you about something nearby or a feeling they have to warn you about something bad. These birds also have the longest memory. My husband and I often say “good morning” to the birds and each day they come and sit around our house just to talk to us and listen to us talk to them. If we don’t say anything at the house they follow us to my work, or wherever we go till we say something to them. They are super smart birds!

Some countries refer to them as Colly birds or large Colly birds. In the 12 days of Christmas, the 4 Colly birds became the 4 Calling birds in the 1900 century. It makes perfect sense since the meaning is the 4 books of the New Testament that ‘calls’ out who Christ is born to be, His life, death, and resurrection.

The next time you hear a caw or see a bird, thank it for being there and wish it well with its day. You will find that it will most likely be a friend you never knew you had!