Lone Goose
At Christmas break 2023 I realized I was having numbing in my arms and spasms in my shunt. My head often felt heavier than normal and I found myself getting dizzier more often. I went to a neurologist. He told me that I should realize that I would normally have headaches because I have Chiari so he suggested I get a shot in the back of my head. I mentioned about doing a MRI because something didn’t seem right. He told me that he had just seen me and didn’t want to run another MRI because I had seen him in November with headaches. He was correct on the month but the last time I had seen him was 2022, a year prior and there had been no scans done since that time. He came back and said the shot to my brain would be the best suggestion for me. A little while later the pain in my shunt area was getting worse. I took my husband again and we went to see him. Again he told me that I needed to get the shot in my head. When I told him that other people with Chiari told me not to get the shot, it was the worse thing I could do. He replied, “what would they know?” I left and went to find another neurologist. By June I finally met a new one that looked and acted as if she was genuinely concerned with what was going on. After some MRI scans she said that my Chiari looked fine, but my lower brain seemed swollen and was causing a new syrinx on my upper spine. I was devastated. I know that God is always watching me, but this was not news I wanted to hear. I needed to hear news that everything was fine, that it could be taken care of by medicine or something. Instead, she sent me back to my neurosurgeon with the hopes that all my problems would go away if they could put my shunt up.
We found out that just wasn’t the case. If it went too high it would dry out my brain, too low would cause my brain to fill up with unwanted fluid. I was devastated. I had so many questions! Why couldn’t my problems just be cut and dry. Why did it have to be complicated. He ordered an emergency MRI to find out how my CS fluid was flowing in my brain. He told me that my brain was complicated and some of my symptoms leaned towards the negative thoughts. Even when I left his office I was weary and tired of having to deal with this again. I am trying to be strong with the death of my brother and already having physical issues. Now this! I am continuously reminded that God is helping me and He will not leave me, nor forsake me. A friend sent me this verse tonight and he has helped me continue to realize that through anything that happens, God is still here with me. In everything you face, He is still with you too!
Isaiah49: 15, 16
Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of My hands; your walls are ever before Me.