Author: mygodcan.blog

Strength Continues

Lone Goose

At Christmas break 2023 I realized I was having numbing in my arms and spasms in my shunt.  My head often felt heavier than normal and I found myself getting dizzier more often.  I went to a   neurologist.  He told me that I should realize that I would normally have headaches because I have Chiari so he suggested I get a shot in the back of my head.  I mentioned about doing a MRI because something didn’t seem right.  He told me that he had just seen me and didn’t want to run another MRI because I had seen him in November with headaches.  He was correct on the month but the last time I had seen him was 2022, a year prior and there had been no scans done since that time.  He came back and said the shot to my brain would be the best suggestion for me.  A little while later the pain in my shunt area was getting worse.  I took my husband again and we went to see him.  Again he told me that I needed to get the shot in my head.  When I told him that other people with Chiari told me not to get the shot, it was the worse thing I could do.  He replied, “what would they know?”  I left and went to find another neurologist.   By June I finally met a new one that looked and acted as if she was genuinely concerned with what was going on.  After some MRI scans she said that my Chiari looked fine, but my lower brain seemed swollen and was causing a new syrinx on my upper spine.  I was devastated.  I know that God is always watching me, but this was not news I wanted to hear.  I needed to hear news that everything was fine, that it could be taken care of by medicine or something.  Instead, she sent me back to my neurosurgeon with the hopes that all my problems would go away if they could put my shunt up.  

We found out that just wasn’t the case.  If it went too high it would dry out my brain, too low would cause my brain to fill up with unwanted fluid.  I was devastated.  I had so many questions!  Why couldn’t my problems just be cut and dry.  Why did it have to be complicated.  He ordered an emergency MRI to find out how my CS fluid was flowing in my brain.  He told me that my brain was complicated and some of my symptoms leaned towards the negative thoughts.  Even when I left his office I was weary and tired of having to deal with this again.  I am trying to be strong with the death of my brother and already having physical issues.  Now this!  I am continuously reminded that God is helping me and He will not leave me, nor forsake me.  A friend sent me this verse tonight and he has helped me continue to realize that through anything that happens, God is still here with me.  In everything you face, He is still with you too!

Isaiah49: 15, 16

Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!  See, I have engraved you on the palms of My hands; your walls are ever before Me.

 

3 Little Pigs

Teacher’s Heart

One thing that I loved in all the age groups I taught was teaching about the 3 Little Pigs.  As  teacher in public school I wasn’t allowed to teach about God and Christianity as a rule.  However, I got to teach about the 3 Little Pigs and I have to admit, the story may or may not have had a good Biblical moral attached to it.

The little pigs leave their momma and go into the world.  They must learn how to live without her help.  While I am teaching the story in my terms I have the students decide what house would be the best to build.  When they have built their house I take a small fan and see if I can blow it down.  I explain that the fan or the wolf is things they might go through in life and it’s not always about the battle that we face but the outcome that matters.

The first little pig is lazy.  He decides instead of taking too much time building a house and making a ‘good’ life it was just easier to party and hang with his friends.  He goes out and finds straw or dead grass (the students use mini straws) and puts it together with scotch tape to build a house, but he doesn’t bother laying down a foundation.  The wolf comes and blows the house down.  The pig isn’t too worried, he continues to be lazy and decides to go to his brother’s house in the morning.  The second little pig is a little bit better and takes duct tape and sticks to put together a house.  He knows that duct tape holds it all together, or so he hopes.  The little pig decides to go watch movies with his friends and drink some beers to celebrate their friendship.  Again, he has no foundation.  His brother joins him while at a party.  The wolf comes and blows down his house.  The 2nd little pig isn’t too worried, he decides that his brother and him can go get some duct tape in the morning and patch it all back up.  The 3rd little pig is smart!  He loves to build things and lays down a foundation on some rock, levels it out then lays down bricks and mortar (the kids use Legos) to build a cute little house for him.  After several days he is finished and he makes himself furniture and a place to cook his food in the fireplace.  The wolf comes and he tries with all his might to blow down that house, but nothing works.  The 3rd little pig knows that his foundation is strong and he is thankful and rests in the idea that tomorrow, he will continue to be safe.

The 3rd little pig listened to what his momma told him and he lived happily ever after.

Luke 6: 48, 49

 

Healing

Lone Goose

What is healing to you?  Do you believe that to be healed every body part works right, no one dies, it’s all good?  In 1998 I was told that I had 3 months to live.  I went through all the steps to get myself ready to ‘die’.  Even though I fully believed that God had orchestrated everything at the time and all that I was going through was of Him.  I still felt that God could heal me by taking me home or He would heal me in His way on earth.  Later, I learned that His plan wasn’t for me, it was for someone else to find Him and realize that He existed.  

It would have been just fine for God to come down and heal my brother from his injuries, and we would have been happy about that too.  However, it wasn’t that God didn’t heal him, He just didn’t do it the way we had hoped.  The victory was already won, Brian was healed the moment his Earthly body died.  I believe that God could have healed him on earth, but it was time for Brian to go home.  In recent weeks he spoke to me about getting to ‘dwell in the house of the Lord forever’ and ‘run in the green grass’.  He was ready, he knew where he was going.  Satan may have thought he had won, but Brian went to see His Jesus and he was healed.  Did someone die that you thought should have been healed?  If they were saved, they were healed.  I have learned to believe that my daughter was healed and she resides in heaven with so many people that have gone before me.  They have all been healed by the power of Jesus.  Do I wish they were here?  Oh yes!  

People ask me why I believe.  I believe because God has already healed me!  He has healed my mind, He has healed my spirit and yes, He has healed my body.   There are quite a few things I can no longer do, but there is plenty that because of Jesus I can do!  I get to see things from perspectives that most people don’t.  I get to learn things because of my disabilities and I learn them in ways I would have never understood before.  Is it annoying…sometimes, oh yes!  Do  I complain?  Yes, probably more then I should.  When I get to Heaven I know that God will have healed me fully, for now, my healing is from the Lord and I praise Him for it!

Glimmer of Hope

Vlog

Much To Do

There is so much to do!  Last year this time Chad and I were trying to figure out how to get out of our house and move into a smaller house where I would have an easier time getting around.  We had viewed a house in NC and was having someone to come over and check out our house to see how we could sell it on the market.  I told Chad that we needed to have the goal to be out of here by Christmas.  Something kept holding us back.  I was too tired, Chad was sick, then I was sick.  It just didn’t seem to open up so that we could start getting stuff out.  It wasn’t until the weekend after my brother died that one of  my friends to come over and help.  It was a good day to not have to think about emotions.

My emotions come in waves.  Brian and I were good friends and I was able to say goodbye and I love him, before he died.  Some moments I think I should call him up and tell him what is going on.  

Since his wife is moving into our house, moving isn’t going to happen.  However, we still need to get rid of a lot of our stuff so that we can all fit into the house.  There is SO MUCH TO DO! 

The Bible has something to say about so much to do.  Matthew 11:28-30 says, ‘Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will fid rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.’

Yes, I have so much to do, yes, I know that I have other things to think about, but my burden will rest upon God and He will give me rest, even in the busiest times.

Psalms 23

The Lord is my Shepherd

 God is always the main one in control.  Though we don’t always understand what is going on or why, we can be certain that He is in control.  

For the now, I am doing just fine.  A little more tired than usual and my arms are getting numb fast, we arn’t looking at what is about to happen.  Rather, we are looking at how we can spend our time together worth while.  My dad use to say, “Life is as it is, and that is how its going to be”.  He wasn’t saved until the very end, but he made sure we all knew this and lived by it.  We are going to take our days one day at a time.  Tomorrow is the future and yesterday is the past.  Most of our moments aren’t thinking about what is possibly going to happen, but how to help my brother’s wife with what she is having to deal with.  In all God is still good, even in the death of my brother. 

Spasms

God shows me new things each day.  For the last 4 months I have been having these strange spasms beginning on the right side of my brain.  We know that the brain bleed caused several different oddities in my brain: unable to short-term information, mini seizures in my brain, nerve issues in my brain, weakness in my right side, paralysis in my right side, disconnected retinas, dizziness, vertigo, and trigeminal neuralgia.  It has been suggested they are related to the mini seizures, or they are mini strokes.  I have been having a variety of testing to figure out where they are coming from and why.  My whole Chiari has been a questions.  The doctors had assumed my brain issues would have been taken care of with-in year; but they linger and some have gotten worse.  I find myself thinking about why God would continue to want me through these trials.  Then, I am reminded that in His eyes, I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Even if the doctors, other people, or I see my handicaps, God still sees me as His creation.  I have learned that despite all the issues I know I have and all the frustrations I feel with them, that God never asked me to run a marathon, sign up for the military, become a movie star, or become a great speaker.  He asks me to come to Him with what I have and He will use me.  

What do you have to bring to God?  Do you have a physical limitation?  Do you have experiences?  Is it just you?  God, will use you no matter what you think you are.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made (even with all the negative things we feel and see).  

I like the New Living Translation best!    Psalms 134:14  ‘Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!  Your workmanship is marvelous–how well I know it!’

Know that I am God

This is a continuation to the video: Be Still.  After visiting with my friend and praying about all the frustrations at hand, I felt like God was reminding me that He was God and I needed to rely on the ideas; yes it is a lonely place to be (usually is), it may be a struggle at times, but God will always be better than anyone or anything else.  I am learning how to have audacious faith and not just rely on God because it was fun to jump out, but to rely on God to provide everything I need to have success.  One thing I have realized since this video is that my faith has been about taking a risk, then grabbing it back and doing my part to help.  During my prayer time, recently, I asked God to show me how to have audacious faith like Noah and Daniel both had.  Neither of them were bothered by what other people said about their choices, they knew they were from God.  Both men were sinners (we all are), yet, God used them both in a mighty way.  I often told my students that the word, ‘can’t’ was not allowed in my classroom because I didn’t want them to give up.  Now, it is time for me to listen to myself!  I can because God will!