mygodcan.blog – Page 2

Psalms 23

The Lord is my Shepherd

God is always the main one in control. Though we don’t always understand what is going on or why, we can be certain that He is in control.

For the now, I am doing just fine. A little more tired than usual and my arms are getting numb fast, we arn’t looking at what is about to happen. Rather, we are looking at how we can spend our time together worth while. My dad use to say, “Life is as it is, and that is how its going to be”. He wasn’t saved until the very end, but he made sure we all knew this and lived by it. We are going to take our days one day at a time. Tomorrow is the future and yesterday is the past. Most of our moments aren’t thinking about what is possibly going to happen, but how to help my brother’s wife with what she is having to deal with. In all God is still good, even in the death of my brother.

Spasms

God shows me new things each day. For the last 4 months I have been having these strange spasms beginning on the right side of my brain. We know that the brain bleed caused several different oddities in my brain: unable to short-term information, mini seizures in my brain, nerve issues in my brain, weakness in my right side, paralysis in my right side, disconnected retinas, dizziness, vertigo, and trigeminal neuralgia. It has been suggested they are related to the mini seizures, or they are mini strokes. I have been having a variety of testing to figure out where they are coming from and why. My whole Chiari has been a questions. The doctors had assumed my brain issues would have been taken care of with-in year; but they linger and some have gotten worse. I find myself thinking about why God would continue to want me through these trials. Then, I am reminded that in His eyes, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Even if the doctors, other people, or I see my handicaps, God still sees me as His creation. I have learned that despite all the issues I know I have and all the frustrations I feel with them, that God never asked me to run a marathon, sign up for the military, become a movie star, or become a great speaker. He asks me to come to Him with what I have and He will use me.

What do you have to bring to God? Do you have a physical limitation? Do you have experiences? Is it just you? God, will use you no matter what you think you are. You are fearfully and wonderfully made (even with all the negative things we feel and see).

I like the New Living Translation best! Psalms 134:14 ‘Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous–how well I know it!’

Know that I am God

This is a continuation to the video: Be Still. After visiting with my friend and praying about all the frustrations at hand, I felt like God was reminding me that He was God and I needed to rely on the ideas; yes it is a lonely place to be (usually is), it may be a struggle at times, but God will always be better than anyone or anything else. I am learning how to have audacious faith and not just rely on God because it was fun to jump out, but to rely on God to provide everything I need to have success. One thing I have realized since this video is that my faith has been about taking a risk, then grabbing it back and doing my part to help. During my prayer time, recently, I asked God to show me how to have audacious faith like Noah and Daniel both had. Neither of them were bothered by what other people said about their choices, they knew they were from God. Both men were sinners (we all are), yet, God used them both in a mighty way. I often told my students that the word, ‘can’t’ was not allowed in my classroom because I didn’t want them to give up. Now, it is time for me to listen to myself! I can because God will!

Just Wait

Vlog

I feel the need to write a backstory about this video. On June 7th, I walked down the hallway one last time, at the elementary school I was teaching at. It has been a heart-wrenching decision and one that I didn’t take easily, but, I had to. The last time I went to the Dr. I told him that I was killing myself. He agreed and told me he and the other doctors knew that and they have been trying to tell me, but I wouldn’t listen. I knew I could do it, I knew I could just keep going another year because I loved teaching and surely God wouldn’t tell me to stop. He did, and I even fought back the idea for the last several months. I tried to find an easier teaching job, tried the assistant position idea or even a part-time position, but, the door slammed in my face each time. Comments from other teachers caused me to often tell a friend of mine that it was time for me to go, I just couldn’t keep hearing the comments. I began feeling as if I was in the wrong place, for the wrong reasons and it wasn’t about what I knew I could do, but about proving everyone (including the doctors) wrong. When I finally turned in my resignation I was finally at peace. June 7th was a hard day; hugging my kids again, knowing this was the last time I’d see most of them, saying goodbye to teachers I knew I probably wouldn’t see again and even looking down the old hallways at the large roaches, I most likely won’t see after that day, it was all rough. I went in and had my final goodbye with the principal and somehow I made it without tears. Somehow I didn’t give in to tears until I turned in my ID that evening, but, they were mixed with tears of joy and sadness.

Now, I am relying on God to provide for what happens next. I have told my husband that I am working towards getting Social Security. Upon looking at what this looks like I realize why my husband seems to be stressed about what is about to happen. I can’t help to wonder, ‘How can I make this right?’ I know, that I can’t keep going. My TN and my vertigo have become stress-related, I have seizures going on and the Neurologist seems quietly unsure about how much stress my brain is having. I have upcoming MRIs(my least favorite exams) to find out what is going on. I’m not worried exactly about what tomorrow holds. I am used to relying on God for my health. What I am anxious about is being in this hole and feeling that I am stuck and everything I do pushes me down further. It’s lonely down here, even with people around me, I’m so lonely. At this point, I wonder, if I’m not supposed to be here, not because of bigger or better things around the bend, but for someone that reads my blog and feels the loneliness, feels the fear, the anxiety, and, the stress. I can’t help to think that my problems and how I choose to deal with them aren’t for me but for you. God is good, He is able, He is the one I rely on, the one I hold on to, and the only one that could ever understand this dark lonely hole. I am here too, waiting for His mercies, but also waiting for you, so you won’t feel lonely in this dark hole.

Please, send me an email to let me know how I can help you, believe alongside of you, or pray for you. I believe God can!

mygdcan@yahoo.com

Just a Hug

As much as I feel like I’m on this planet to only teach, I have learned to listen to the children in my classroom. They are 7, 8 , and 9. Recently, I haven’t been feeling that great. Many nights I’m waking up at 2:30am with some strange allergic reaction; swelling and hives. A few nights I have thought that maybe it has to do with a drug interaction so I don’t take my meds and it causes trouble through the day. It is just an odd symptom of everything else I deal with daily. One such day I was really feeling bad. Honestly, I just wanted my husband and I to hug a little longer, instead of going to work. At work one of my children walked over to me and said, “Mrs. Piver, you know you are awesome, right? You tell me I am awesome all the time and today, you need to know it too.” With that she tightly hugged me. I didn’t want to let go, it was just a hug, but it was greatly needed!

Life is too short, to let things like this just past you by. When it is offered, take it! Even if it is from a little girl in your classroom. I am happy that she felt the need to remind me (her teacher) that I am awesome and I really needed that hug!

Frustrations

I remember many years ago, I would get frustrated and I would kick things. A teacher in college taught me Tai Chi to learn how to find my inner self and focus on balancing my emotions, rather than breaking a toe, or my foot. I used it up until my children were small. One day, I decided I didn’t have time to be frustrated at everything. I’m not sure where that person went, frustrations are all around me! I’ve been told it is because of my red-hair, my ADHD, my Scottish ancestry-line and the list goes on. Personally, I’m just a stubborn person who likes things done in the here and now and done the right way. If you get into a car with me, I might have a little car frustration because of other crazy drivers. Over the years I have had to take a step back, I’ve had to take a deep breath. In class, my kids all know my frustrations, usually the Smart board, the printer or my computer. As funny as it is to listen to my kids imitate me yelling at my electronics, I know that being frustrated is not only a human emotion.

Even though God doesn’t yell at a computer, he does let someone get eaten by a monster fish. Even though he might not cut someone off on the road, he has used a donkey to tell his master he is going to wrong way. It goes to show that frustrations happen. However; there is a difference between being stupid and frustrated and being smart and frustrated. God was frustrated with Jonah and being God, he let Jonah get swallowed by a large monster. At the same time I’m sure he directed the monster fish to spit Jonah out, rather than swallowing him forever. Even though he might not cut off that crazy driver, he instructed a donkey (a lowly animal) to tell his master that he wasn’t going to move past the angel. It may not have been a humorous outcome at the time, but it is now!

In my frustrations I need to remind myself that I do not understand how it works, it may work fine, I wouldn’t know. I may not understand why I don’t work right anymore, but, God is still in control and God can help me understand, if I take a deep breath and ask for His help instead of yelling a the Smartboard or that crazy driver! Do you ever find yourself frustrated?

He Will Sustain Us

I get the feeling that my computer is just tired of me being on it and screaming at it. I am so glad that I’m not the one that created it. For one, even though there was a time that I was able to understand how to operate it, by no means would I understand how to create it! I am so happy that God gave us different rolls to play here on Earth. As I know a few Computer Technicians that are super savvy with computers, they usually don’t make much sense to me! It is the same with doctors and anyone from the medical field. I understand stuff that I have to understand, but beyond that, I’m glad to be a teacher! Even some of the things as a teacher is a little confusing for me, especially now. One thing I knew for certain, My God Can sustain us! These last few weeks has been harder than usual physically. I’m trying to continue being that super-star that can do everything even though I’m missing parts of my brain, missing strength in my legs, missing eyesight and most of my physical self is so different, but I can do it right? Wrong! I’m exhausted often, my eyes shut more than usual and I just want to sit and rest more than usual. My physical super-human self is losing it’s super. My doctor has been telling me for some time that I am just killing myself, but it wasn’t until the other day that I agreed that I was killing myself to keep going. Now, I get to venture down the road to Social Security. I have to remind myself over and over, ‘Christ will sustain us’. He has always come through and He is aware that I may continue to try and be super-human, but in the end it will be Him. Scripture reminds me that He was, is, and ever will be even through all the super-humans that have been born, lived and died. God will sustain!

Life, happens!

Encouragement

Life happens the way it happens and sometimes we just don’t know why. This week was a tough week, I’m happy it is over!

I understand the hardships of not having enough money, of being stuck in a job that eats at the psyche every day. I get the stares, the attitudes of people that just don’t want to give me the time of day, because I am different. It bites!

This week, God reminded me that it is not about how I look on the outside; it is not about my handicaps, or how I look. It is about Him and how He loves me NO MATTER WHAT MY OUTSIDE LOOKS LIKE!

It is hard to understand. Life happens, and we get sad, we walk out, we stop trying, or, we simply give up altogether. You’ve been there, I have too. It is a rough place to be. Then I hear, ‘but God’! He is the lifter of our heads, He is the strength when we have no more, He is the one pushing the wheelchair or walker when we are tired, He is there providing for us and helping us get to the next day.

All throughout scripture we are told that God is there for us, that God isn’t going to leave us, that God will hold us when we need Him, that God looks at our hearts, not at our appearances.

Today, whatever you are going through I say this to you, “Life happens, but God!”

Climbing the Mountain

blog

This last week was Spring Break at the school I work at. The students were off the Thursday before Good Friday and us teachers were asked to go to PDs for a few hours. Once they were done, we went on a relaxing vacation. Chad and I are considered empty nesters since our last daughter went away to college. It is kind of odd not having the girls around the house so much. For the last 20 years, we went on vacations with a child or children and did family things. Now, it is just Chad and I and we tend to do the things empty nesters do like: making soap, drawing, working puzzles, coloring shirts and painting garden things. It has been fun and relaxing as we aren’t worried about the girls sleeping in or who will eat what. Anyway, we were given a gift to enjoy a week in the mountains.

To be honest, I was a little skeptical. After all, I roll around on a tin-can and tend to lean towards the right on flat ground, how would I walk in the mountains?

It was beautiful! My walking was still leaning to the right, but, if the hill leaned to the left, I’d roll towards the left and backwards to the right.

How I wished to walk up a side of the mountain without my tin-can.

I use to mountain climb in the Tallulah Gorge in GA. It was exhilarating to be on the side of a mountain about 1500 feet in the air! Now, I roll around on a tin-can, can’t feel my right leg and nor do I have much strength in my arms or hand.

For my devotions I went outside and enjoyed the beautiful air. God let me feel His presence. He reminded me that even though, my mountain seems much harder to get on (and not get dizzy), He would be with me helping me along the way. All week, each time we had a question we both felt Him. Even the day I was feeling overwhelmed in all the things we need to do to move, He used a friend to remind me that He is here helping me and He will provide in His time. The mountains were amazing, I know we didn’t need to go there to find the answers, but, God knew that we needed to relax in His great creation!

Yes, I did get to climb up a few steps (holding onto my husband) a part of the mountain and it was beautiful!

My Eyes

“Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the king…” how I wish, I could see that well and know! I have learned to use other means to see because my eyes are not always realiable. We don’t just ‘see’ with our eyes, we also balance. One reason I am often off-balanced is because I have to learn how to center my body without using my eyes. In therapy I am often told shut my eyes and rely on my brain. My eyes see strange lights, they often close, they bob open and shut often. Before my surgery my site was SO much better and I remember telling one of my doctors not to let my eyes go. However, they did. It took them a LONG time to reattach to my brain and even now, after almost 3 years, they still struggle to being fully connected. Some days I have little to no problems, others, much like today, i just want to go back to sleep.

God reminds me often that it is not my eyes I need to focus on Him, it is my heart. However, I am the first to tell you, that is harder than He asks! I just want to be able to enjoy sight again, I would like to drive again, I would like to not have to figure out what things say without glasses. Then my mind wanders to my youngest daughter. When she was a baby she had meningitis and RSV back to back. The doctors told us that her body may not grow as fast as her peers because both of these sicknesses will stump her growth and may cause issues in the long run. My youngest daugther is only 5 feet and she is the smallest of everyone. When she was about 13 we took her to the eye doctors because she was complaining she couldn’t see the board. Both my husband and I had 20/20 vision so it seemed odd. When they looked her over they found out that she has severe seeing issues probably related to her sicknesses as a baby. Then it came, “her eyes will only get worse the older she gets.” No matter how much we prayed for her, we could not help her. I remember praying one night and God told me, “I want her to find me with her heart.” Now, I understand what He was saying. As a young child she always told us that God was good and great because he created the world so beautiful around her. Now, she rarely says anything positive about God and she can barely see without her glasses. I know that one day, she will see God without her eyes.

I admit it is hard to see God through sound, especially when I hear more cussing and screaming. It is difficult to hear God in the birds or creatures because I often hear the city cars or buzzing lights. The only time I am able to understand God is when listening to his scriptures or sitting in a quiet room and praying. I am often praying that I can hear God with my heart more often and that is my prayer request for you too.

Romans 10:9-10 “…because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and belive in your hearth that God raised him from the dead, you will b saved. For with the heart, one believes and is justified and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. “

2 Timothy 3:16, ‘all scripture is breathed out by God…”