Author: mygodcan.blog

We Don’t Always Understand

There has been several times I didn’t understand what God was doing in my life or if He could actually understand what was going on.  One particular time always reminds me how Awesome He is, even when we don’t see it.

It was March 2002.  I was pregnant with my first living child and I was showing a great deal.  My husband was working at a Dredging company nearby (where he worked for nearly 20 years).  We were making good money and we had just moved into our home.  Life was going well.  My husband often worked on the dredges days or months at a time so I was use to having him gone.  We were a little nervous about me having so many issues and being pregnant and due a few months later, but we prayed about it and believed that this would be a good time for us to make some extra money.  Everything was as normal as the next.  I went over to my in-laws house because I was having night sweats anud small cramps and I just wanted to be near humans.  My husbands dredge was going to go up the atlantic in to Delaware, drop off it’s load and then travel down to the Atlantic near North Carolina before coming back home to Virginia.  I would talk to him the next morning and he would tell me how beautiful the sunrise was and about the birds following the barge and tug. We have a saying, one of us says, “May the Lord bless you and keep you” and the other one says, “may His face shine upon you, I love you always and forever”.  We said this, but something felt off about this day.  In a few hours the pains I had been feeling became more intense and my mother-in-law and I would walk up and down the road for a few hours until I called the doctor.  She told me that they were just braxton and hicks and normal about this time in my pregnancy.  Convinced I hung up, but the pains became more intense.  My inlaws and I walked up and down the road for 9 hours and we would contact the doctor several more times.  She told us that when the pains became closer together (about 2min together) then I needed to go to the hospital right away.  They started out being 1/2 hour apart for the first 5 or 6 hours.  Then they were 15 min apart and about 9 hours later they became 2 min apart.  The doctor said that she was the only one on call and she had already delivered 2 other premature babies and she didn’t want a third one.  My in-laws were able to get the CEO of the dredging company to go get my husband off the barge and bring him home because we were all convinced this baby was coming 2 months early.  

At the hospital, they checked me and realized that I was 3 cm dilated and the baby was 98% effaced and my pubic bone had broken in half.  We were all just waiting for my water to break because no matter what, this baby was on her way.  I prayed that God would help us right now, help the baby who was coming too soon, help her daddy who was trying to quickly get here in time and help me, as I was scared out of my mind!  My husband came safely and he came into the room and laid his hand on our baby and asked God to protect her and to give me peace.  The hospital recorded how many contractions I had and I had just had a huge one before he came in.  Then, the monitor became quiet and all activity ceased.  My body stopped having contractions, the baby’s heart was no longer stressed, it was as if she knew her daddy was there and she went right to sleep.  They kept me over night to monitor the baby and me and my husband slept in the chair next to me.  The next day  I went home.  

Only two hours after we had gotten home my husband had received a phone call.  He was told that while we were in the hospital almost having a baby, the tug driver got drunk and rammed the bridge into a bridge.  Only two people on the dredge survived and we needed to drive the two wives to Delaware to see their husbands.  Sixteen people lost their lives and my husband would have been on the lower level of the badge sleeping if he was not with me.  Sixteen families would wake up learning about the deaths of their sons, husbands, fathers, or friends.  I would ride in the back seat with one of these women  (one got a ride with her brother), she  was only told she would see her husband because she wasn’t even told if he was dead or alive.  We talked about the birth pains and about how her husband was’t there for her first baby but he made it a point to be there for the next one.  We discussed the love we have for our husbands and how we had wished they had a different job then working on the barges and how we both wished we could find them another job.  We prayed together and wondered what Delaware was like and why we had to go up there, why not somewhere near us.  It felt like a LONG trip even though it was only a few hours.  Once we got there we saw news people, cameras and monitors and the hospital staff and police pushed us past everyone wanting to know what had just happened.  Thankfully, both the wives were welcomed by husbands that were alive, because of some miracle.  We were told about how the others perished and a young boy even died as he jumped in to save his father.  I felt guilty being excited that our daughter wasn’t born yet and her daddy was still alive.  

As the many years have transpired since then, we have kept up with a few of the families that lost someone that day.  It still amazes me when I think of the pain I felt from nearly having a baby and the pain of trying to walk with a broken bone.  God was there, He used my baby in His perfect plan to save the daddy she loves so much.  

We learned that it may not make sense to us, but God, will use one way or the other to create a miracle.  

New Year

In just a few hours the year will change from 2023-2024.  In 1974 my mother was hoping I would be born the night of the new year, though. God had another idea.  Many people say that I was born on the 7th day because 7 is a lucky number.  Some have even gone out to say that 7 is a Godly number.  Either way, I came right when God had intended for me to come.  I believe that God has destined all of us to be born on specific days and times because He had a perfect plan that would start at that very moment of life.  Each of us live out that plan and even when you have no idea what plan God has for your life, your life is already in the plan of action.  For so many years after I became a Christian I wondered what plan I was apart of, why would God want me with Him, how could I be apart of any part of a perfect plan.  I was just a me, I was broken, abused, raped, lied to and lied about.  I was handicapped, born with both mental and physical issues that no one wanted to account for.  Why would the God of the universe want ME?  

Even as I grew in the faith.  Even as I saw the miracles that God would show me, I still didn’t understand why He wanted me or what I could ever offer to help Him.  

After these last few years, I realized, that God was using me my whole life.  Even when I was trying to show that he didn’t exist.  Even when I yelled out to Him that neither did I believe that He existed and I would never want to.  He was using me!  

Just like you, your whole life He has planned out.  Yes, some of it sucked!  Some of it hurt!  You tried to disprove Him.  It is possible that you were told He doesn’t exist or that if you don’t believe in Him, things won’t be bad.  I am here to tell you I get it!  I understand and so many other people understand too.  We also understand that even in the pain, even in the quietness, the loneliness, the fear, the tears, there IS a GOD that loves you, that holds you, that hugs you and even though everything is wrong, He is right.  He is the only right.  I couldn’t understand why I had to go through all the pain as a child and even as a grown-up, but then I realized that God isn’t in control of the sin or the stupidity of people.  He doesn’t control the demons and Satan whose primary goal is to steal and destroy.  However; God CAN use the bad to create good, just, and love.  

My baby died so that I could live eternally with Him.  I had to walk up and down the road for 9 hours in labor 3 months early to save my husband’s life.  My husband had to lose the only job that he knew to allow us to see and understand what it meant to be poor.  I had to have addictions so that God could show me how to help others.  I was abused and raped to prove that God can use me.  I had to have Trisomy X to show that even handicapped people have a purpose on this Earth.  I had to have a brain bleed and fight for my life these last few years to show how God can do miraculous things even today.  

As I go into this new year my paradigm has changed.  I am no longer wondering how God could use me, I already know.  Now, I am going to live the rest of my life,  He has miraculously given me to prove that He isn’t just able to make the brokenhearted whole, but He will do it in a mighty way that no one can fathom.  

In the New Year of 2024 if you don’t believe that God can…take a chance and ask Him to make Himself real to you in all your situations; the good, bad, and the ugly.  I have no doubt that you will find that YOU ARE ALREADY A PERFECT PLAN

Birds

Birds, what do you know abou them?  Did you know that the horror movie, Birds, was based on actual events?  Birds are one of those amazing parts of creation that are both cute, amazing and curious.  When I was a little girl I owned a parakeet that I named, “Baby Boy Blue”.  He was a boy and had blue and green feathers.  I was taught that some species of birds, especially exotic birds,  have a blue band across their beak to show they are a boy. Every day birds have another way of showing their gender.  Girl birds are less colorful while their male counterparts are made of vibrant colors.  Birds like Peacocks have both the blue on the beak as well as vibrant coloration for the male birds.  They get all the luck!  However, female birds are beautiful in their own right!  

Geese are hard to tell the difference.  The Canadian geese all look alike, but if you look at them a little harder you will notice that some of them have really long necks and some have short ones.  The ones with long necks are the males and the ones with the short necks are the females.  

God created them to be so beautiful, and to remind us of how awesome He is.  He thought of everything when He created birds!  He knew that humans would need something to talk to, something to watch, something to feel peaceful with.  

Blackbirds and Crows are some of the smartest birds in the world!  Oddly, they may be loud and annoying, but, they are simply saying, “Hello”, “good morning”, and “have a good day”.  They might even be warning you about something nearby or a feeling they have to warn you about something bad.  These birds also have the longest memory.  My husband and I often say “good morning” to the birds and each day they come and sit around our house just to talk to us and listen to us talk to them.  If we don’t say anything at the house they follow us to my work, or wherever we go till we say something to them.  They are super smart birds!

Some countries refer to them as Colly birds or large Colly birds.  In the 12 days of Christmas, the 4 Colly birds became the 4 Calling birds in the 1900 century.  It makes perfect sense since the meaning is the 4 books of the New Testament that ‘calls’ out who Christ is born to be, His life, death, and resurrection.  

The next time you hear a caw or see a bird, thank it for being there and wish it well with its day.  You will find that it will most likely be a friend you never knew you had!

 

Roller Coaster

Teaching Moments, blog

I get to teach my children about roller coasters and how they are built and what goes into them.  I love science, I love watching, learning and teaching about science, because it doesn’t fit inside of a box, it literally runs all over the place if you don’t watch out!

Life is much like a roller coaster.  It was my dream to build a coaster called, “The Wave”.  I wanted to make it large enough for people to stand on what looked like a surf board and go high up then straight down in a matter of micro-seconds only to blow past a thing of water and into a dark tunnel.  Then I wanted pictures illuminating off the walls that would be steps of life, as the coaster continued to slide to the right, left, up and down.  At the end would be a large ‘wave’ where the riders would veer off to the right, the left then ride one more huge wave before slowing down and getting to the end.  It would be awesome! Unfortunately, God didn’t give me the ability to create one, but I still dream about it!  Even though they scared me, I loved riding them.  Even when I wasn’t supposed to, I had fun.  Then, one day, I went to ride a super big one and I couldn’t get my head to lift up while we were going around the circle and going upside down.  That was 6 years ago and I have not been on another one since.  I wish I could!  Such is life.

I realize, as I’m reading through my lessons to my children that I go through a roller coaster every day.  Each day I wake up gravity keeps me down on earth.  My head spins every day and with one leg I’m often feeling my roller coaster legs.  It is not always a bad thing, sometimes I try and imagine I’m on a coaster!  Imagine it!  You are the builder of your own coaster.  You are in charge of what kind of energy you are going to have today, to get yourself, your vehicle (or whatever you use) to get from point A to point B.  There are going to be many ups and downs in your day to day lives and some days you may have some really steep hills and some fast straight down drops.  Instead of thinking how terrible it is, think instead that you are on the Roller Coaster of Life.  How will it end for you?  Will you just keep going down, or will you try and get back up, level off a bit, enjoy the waves.  It isn’t easy, but, making roller coasters aren’t either.  Some people may not be able to complete the ride, but remember, with God, all things are possible even the Roller Coaster of Life.  

Trust, even when it feels all is lost

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Once I had to learn how to move my right leg and my right arm, I was told that I needed to keep going.  

I trusted God. He told me He would help me back up and it was beginning to be uncovered that getting back up, was not going to be as easy as my last surgery.  Something was much different, but I needed to remember to keep my faith strong in God.  It is never easy to have faith when life isn’t easy.  Some people find it easier to have faith in God when things are in chaos; but, for me it is easier to trust in the little things and much harder to trust in the harder things, such as getting myself back on top of my mountain range.

Every day that I was in the hospital I would throw up.  Each time someone would touch me, any time I would move or was moved, or anytime they would give me any medication, I would throw up.  It made it even more difficult to eat, to do physical therapy or to just to get better.  I started off at 247lbs the day I walked into the hospital and by the time they figured out what was going on I weighed 170.  At the end of July they realized that my brain scans were showing hydrocephalus on both sides of my brain.  That simply means that my brain was filled up with fluid and my body wasn’t using the fluid for other organs, it was simply building up in the wrong places.  About 5-6 times a day,  nurses would come running to change me out of my clothes and bedding and give me another bath.  

One day I was so mad.  I couldn’t understand why the doctors didn’t know what else to do each time they would come to me after I had lost another 20lbs.  Then there was a nurse who sat with me one night.  It was the end of her shift, my family had left and the nurses had cleaned me up, again.  I was questioning the doctors, God, and anyone else that should know something.  The nurse gave me some medicine to help the dizziness calm down so I could sleep.  As I was trying not to move she told me, “Ms. Christina, don’t be mad at the doctors and nurses each time they don’t know what to do with you.  Be happy and be blessed.  When you had your surgery you had to have a 2nd brain surgery because you had a brain bleed.  We were called from the OR and told that they were going to need us to clean an ICU room for you to go.  None of us spoke while we cleaned.  We all know too well, that many times people that have brain bleeds don’t make it to surgery, and if they do, they won’t make it out.  We weren’t sure that you would make it.  Even your doctor wasn’t sure, he just told the nursing staff to get the room ready and the next 24 hours were crucial.  Someone wanted you to survive and He is in control of your life.  Neither we nor the other doctors have had many people survive one brain bleed and you had two.  Once you made it out of surgery, we all knew we had to wait.  Most likely, your family was told that you may not survive the night.  Then, you did and each day the doctors and the nurses don’t want to get their hopes up.  Something is different about you, He has you alive for a purpose.  We don’t know what to do next, because rarely do people survive.  So don’t be angry, feel blessed knowing that He has kept you alive. “

On July 14, 2021 I had my last brain surgery.  I remember falling asleep, telling my nurse not to let them take my eyes.  Several hours later, when I woke up, I realized right away, that I could feel my right arm but still not my right leg.  I was thankful that God had allowed me to survive and I needed to be thankful for all my blessings, even letting me live and learn how to live.  I needed to learn to trust, even when it all felt lost.  It wasn’t easy, I had to relearn how to do so many things to reteach my brain, but with God on my side, I can be thankful for each new day, no matter how dim it looks!

 

Then, there is God

After the doctors came to me and told me they were sending someone in to help me move my leg and get it up to walk, I honestly thought they were stupid!  I couldn’t feel my leg, I didn’t even know if it was moving or not.  I certainly couldn’t move it on my own nor could I walk on it.  I remember the first day a lady came in and said, “Ok, this is the day you will remember, I am going to teach you how to move your leg!”  I remember starring at her and she said, “yes, it sounds strange, but we think it is possible.”  That’s a good thing because I didn’t think it was possible.  She went on to tell me that my right arm was just weak and even though I couldn’t fully feel it or move it, it would catch up and eventually gain back the strength that was lost.  However, my right leg appeared to have nerves that seemed to be burnt off at the end.  It seemed as if in time my nerves would eventually grow back just like a lizard’s tail, but in the meantime I needed to learn how to move it and walk on it so that when that did happen I would be ready.  At that time they called it my dead leg.  She picked up my leg and told me, try to just think about this leg, try to move it out of my hand.  Don’t think about anything else but your leg.  At first, it just dropped back onto the bed.  Then, I felt pain in my upper hip and I realized that that is what I needed to focus on.  It is odd when you know your leg is there, because you see it, but you can’t feel it.  She came back every day and each day they added a new therapist for something new.  I had a therapist to help me stand, this lady help me figure out how to move my leg.  I had one to help my arm move and do things, I had another one to help me re-think and speak.  The two hardest things were learning to tell time and moving my leg.  Finally, I was able to move my leg and as soon as I did, I had was asked to focus on that movement while they helped me stand again.  Orginially I was learning to stand with one leg, now, I needed to stand knowing I have two legs and placing my body weight on both legs.  Try standing like a flamingo for many moments  and trying to balance on that one leg, you will see how easy it is not.  After several days, I was finally able to shift my left leg forward, relying on a walker, then pull my right leg to my side.  Each day I would have therapy, I would pray so hard, “God,  I don’t think I can do this!  They think I can, my husband thinks I can, but I don’t have faith in my body.  I only have faith in You.  If You think I can, please oh please show me how!”  As time went on, I would eventually be able to move my left leg then my right.  I can bend both legs and I can stand without help on both legs.  God is awesome!  Even though I know this, I still have to be reminded over and over again.  I have learned to not take for granted anything in this life, but to believe that God has me going through all of this to show off His skill and workmanship.  Each day is different.  Walking was difficult, but I can see how far I have come in two years.  As of two months ago, they discovered that my nerves are back, now they appear to be asleep so they refer my leg as a ‘sleeping leg’.   

God told me I would eventually get back onto my mountain, but getting back on top was not going to be as easy as just walking up the side through different ordeals in life.  It has become learning how to rely on my family, friends, and God to get back up and keep on going, even when I feel like all is lost and my nerves are dead.  

Trees

Trees and plants are all around us.  There are big trees, little trees, wild trees, old trees and even ones you can park your car inside.  Trees are a wonderful gift to mankind.  You may notice that I love to take pictures of trees nearly everywhere I go.  

I know that I mentioned Fig trees already, but there are so many types of trees and they all have so many unique things about them I could write a book!  Since so many peole have already done this, I’ll just chat about some of the awesome things trees do for us and how it can mirror our relationships with God.

I will start with vegetation.  Plants and trees are not just pretty to look at, they are good for people and animals alike.  However, there are some that are not good for anyone.  One thing I remember as a child was that my brother liked to go out into the woods and gather different types of roots, cook them in the oven and make tea with them.  Ginger root, rose root, dandelion root, licorice root, and turmeric root are all examples of plants you can find, scavenge and cook in the oven to make into teas and other remedies.   Different parts of plants are good for everything from headaches, heart pain, bruising, broken bones, arthritis, asthma and so much more! Mint leaves can be used for nearly every ailment (not in the eyes).  I use to grow peppermint because if you eat the leaves when you have an upset stomach it can help calm it. If you are sick eating peppermint helps for many reasons.  I love using plants and trees leaves and oils to help in various ways even when I am sick.  

That isn’t all!  The bamboo plant is being pushed into the smaller and poorer communities around the world.  Bamboo has one of the highest CO2 and O2 levels than any other plant.  This means that bamboo (that grows like wildfire once planted) is cheap and it can be used to light a fire or warm up a house even if it is wet.  It is also extremely good as a house because of the amount of good Oxygen it contains.  It may be more expensive over here, but where it grows rampant in South America and Asia, many people can create houses and villages with it for cheap.  I often see it growing in random spots around town and didn’t know why.  When it rains, bamboo roots gather the rain and hold onto it.  That way when there is a drought, the bamboo trees and the trees around it will still thrive off of the water around it!  Guess who made bamboo! God knew what He was doing when He created it!  If you really look at some of these plants and trees you can see how awesome they really are and more than one reason they were created for us.  It wasn’t just for us to admire them, but to use them too for so many things.  Each tree is unique!  They all have different amazing and awesome attributes that help us as we endeavor in this thing called, ‘life’.  

In Ezekiel 47: 12 it says, “Fruit trees of all kinds will grow on both banks of the river.  Their leaves will not wither, nor will their fruit fail.  Every month they will bear fruit because the water from the sanctuary flows to them.  Their fruit will serve for food and their leaves for healing.” If you look at the forward verses of this one you will see that God put these trees and plants right there to help His people.  Trees and plants around you today, were placed there for the same reason.  Go back in the history of any land you live in and see how your ancestors used the trees around them and the plants around them for various reasons from building houses, tools, medicines, and food for their families.  

Next time you look at a tree, find out what it is and how it can help you, help your community or help the creatures around you.  You will see so much more than a tree, you will see another awesome creation of God!

Every Part of You…

I am teaching 2nd grade this year and today was the first day of school. I love to tell my kids that they are awesome, amazing, unique and they can if they try.  We discussed the big word ,’affirmation’ and we took each word and put a definition to it.  The hardest word for them to understand was ‘unique’.  If you stand two children side by side, identical twins, they may look alike, but they are very different.  Each of them have different goals in life, one is quiet and the other is loud.  The one in my class doesn’t stay still but I was told the other one won’t move.  They are both unique, both are inspired by something that only talks to them.  Just like you.  You are unique!  You are not alike ANYONE else in the world.  Even our fingerprints are different even thought they may have some of the DNA captions from our family, they are different.  I go to different eye doctors because I have a weak eye (that closes when it gets tired).  My other eye can’t see close up without help.  My seeing eye doctor will stare into my eyes for a long time because my eyes are unique.  Instead of being a normal black pupil with a color and then white, mine are are in a group all of  their own.  I have the black pupil in the center then it changes.  I have hazel eyes then it is surrounded by gold spots.  Given the time of day these gold spots will appear to be falling around my eye.  Other times the gold will appear as if someone took a gold marker and outlined the inside and outside with it.  I always assumed it was normal, after all, I don’t really stare at my eyes in a mirror.  My doctor will tell you that it is a very different occurrence compared to everyone else’ eyes.  

That isn’t all.  My organs are different. While most people’s organs are located in the middle to the left of your body, my major ones are located to the left while my minor ones are on the right.  It makes it for an interesting conversation when I have scans done!  

The question I’d love to ask God is why did I have to be so much different.  I can honestly say that I am unique!  But, you don’t have to have different body parts you are just unique because you are you, no one else.  

It says in 1 Timothy 4: 4, ‘For every creation of God is good, and nothing that is received with thanksgiving should be rejected because it is sanctified by the word of God and prayer.’  You are God’s creation and no matter who you are, you are good.  Being unique is a great thing!  We stand up in class and show each other how unique we are.  Go, show the world how awesome that God made you unique and it is good!

Doesn’t always Go Our Way

Chad and I prayed often about the upcoming surgery.  At first I was excited and I was sure that I would go in, have the surgery, be fine and ready to go back to school a few months later.  As time grew closer both of us began feeling like God had other plans.  I was nervous to start off with, but, I was given a sense of peace as time grew closer to the date.  I decided there were things I needed to do just in case I didn’t survive.  I know that God told us that He would take care of this and I would be back on my mountain, but once again He never said if I would do that on Earth or in Heaven.  Now, I had other people to worry about; my husband, my daughters, my friends, and my sister (she was adopted when she was young I didn’t meet her till I was 23).    I wanted them all to remember that God was in control if I lived or died and He loved all of them very much.  I prayed with my SM, with my friends, and with my husband.  We prayed for me, for my family, and that God would show us how to handle the results.  Chad would later tell me he didn’t think I would die, but he felt that something was going to happen and change our lives forever.  The headaches began getting worse but I was holding class 4 days a week and really struggling  but, I felt that I needed to be with my kids until the end of class.  I didn’t tell my parents what was going on, or that I may not be back I just let it be.  I did talk to my principal to find out what I needed to do just in case I couldn’t come back in August.  I made plans to have my three best friends come to stay with my daughters while I was having surgery.  The girls have grown up with the idea that the ‘Aunts’ were the ones to reckon with, to talk to, and to confide  in.  My girls were always excited to see each of them separately or all together so I decided this would be the best plan so that the ‘Aunts’ could know what was going on and my children would have support if something didn’t go as plan.

June 28, 2021 came early.  As we walked into the hospital there was no AC.  It was hot and even hotter with the masks on.  We found checked in and found the waiting room and waited and prayed.  The hot air caused the floors to be wet from sweat and the nurses told us that they had to put large fans in the surgery rooms to help cool down the room and dry up the sweaty floors.  Our 8am surgeries wouldn’t start for another 1/2 hour.  As time went on we noticed people’s names were disappearing from the tv screens on the wall.  The nurse came back out and told all of us that the rooms were almost cooled down enough, but because the AC was out they had to cancel the rest of the surgeries for the day.  In a few moments she came out again to get me. I told Chad, “May the Lord bless you and keep you..” Then he replied, “May His face shine upon you.” Then, I went with the nurse as she asked me questions and started giving me medicine to calm me down.  I told her I wanted to give Chad a kiss before surgery, she told me he would be in shortly.  I remember nothing else.   

Nothing worked the way anyone thought it would.  In the first surgery they realized that even after all the scans and tests the titanium plate was mesh now held in place by titantium nails in my cerebellum.  During surgery, I would have brain bleeding from the nails being removed.  They completed the surgery. Before they began to wake me up they discovered that my brain was hemorrhaging and since the doctor didn’t have any more surgeries, they went in for the 2nd time to find out what was going on.  The nurses were called at this time to get my room ready and told what was going on.  The nurses would later tell me that it was uncertain if I would survive this surgery or the night.  The doctor found out that another part of my brain was bleeding and as soon as he discovered it, he was able to get it to stop.   I wasn’t out of the woods yet, most people don’t survive brain bleeds, and I actually made it through surgery so no one was sure if  I would make it through the night.  I remember nothing.  My family said I did wake up and I was answering questions.  The first day I remember was July 4, 2021.  I questioned if I would hear fireworks.  I don’t remember many more days.  The first thing I noticed was that I couldn’t move my right arm very easily, nor could I fully feel it.  I also noticed that I couldn’t feel my right leg nor could I move it.  The doctors came in and told me that there was much for me to learn how to do and the first thing was to teach me how to move my leg and walk.    My first thought was: “WAIT, WHAT?”