Author: mygodcan.blog

Trust, even when it feels all is lost

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Once I had to learn how to move my right leg and my right arm, I was told that I needed to keep going.  

I trusted God. He told me He would help me back up and it was beginning to be uncovered that getting back up, was not going to be as easy as my last surgery.  Something was much different, but I needed to remember to keep my faith strong in God.  It is never easy to have faith when life isn’t easy.  Some people find it easier to have faith in God when things are in chaos; but, for me it is easier to trust in the little things and much harder to trust in the harder things, such as getting myself back on top of my mountain range.

Every day that I was in the hospital I would throw up.  Each time someone would touch me, any time I would move or was moved, or anytime they would give me any medication, I would throw up.  It made it even more difficult to eat, to do physical therapy or to just to get better.  I started off at 247lbs the day I walked into the hospital and by the time they figured out what was going on I weighed 170.  At the end of July they realized that my brain scans were showing hydrocephalus on both sides of my brain.  That simply means that my brain was filled up with fluid and my body wasn’t using the fluid for other organs, it was simply building up in the wrong places.  About 5-6 times a day,  nurses would come running to change me out of my clothes and bedding and give me another bath.  

One day I was so mad.  I couldn’t understand why the doctors didn’t know what else to do each time they would come to me after I had lost another 20lbs.  Then there was a nurse who sat with me one night.  It was the end of her shift, my family had left and the nurses had cleaned me up, again.  I was questioning the doctors, God, and anyone else that should know something.  The nurse gave me some medicine to help the dizziness calm down so I could sleep.  As I was trying not to move she told me, “Ms. Christina, don’t be mad at the doctors and nurses each time they don’t know what to do with you.  Be happy and be blessed.  When you had your surgery you had to have a 2nd brain surgery because you had a brain bleed.  We were called from the OR and told that they were going to need us to clean an ICU room for you to go.  None of us spoke while we cleaned.  We all know too well, that many times people that have brain bleeds don’t make it to surgery, and if they do, they won’t make it out.  We weren’t sure that you would make it.  Even your doctor wasn’t sure, he just told the nursing staff to get the room ready and the next 24 hours were crucial.  Someone wanted you to survive and He is in control of your life.  Neither we nor the other doctors have had many people survive one brain bleed and you had two.  Once you made it out of surgery, we all knew we had to wait.  Most likely, your family was told that you may not survive the night.  Then, you did and each day the doctors and the nurses don’t want to get their hopes up.  Something is different about you, He has you alive for a purpose.  We don’t know what to do next, because rarely do people survive.  So don’t be angry, feel blessed knowing that He has kept you alive. “

On July 14, 2021 I had my last brain surgery.  I remember falling asleep, telling my nurse not to let them take my eyes.  Several hours later, when I woke up, I realized right away, that I could feel my right arm but still not my right leg.  I was thankful that God had allowed me to survive and I needed to be thankful for all my blessings, even letting me live and learn how to live.  I needed to learn to trust, even when it all felt lost.  It wasn’t easy, I had to relearn how to do so many things to reteach my brain, but with God on my side, I can be thankful for each new day, no matter how dim it looks!

 

Then, there is God

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After the doctors came to me and told me they were sending someone in to help me move my leg and get it up to walk, I honestly thought they were stupid!  I couldn’t feel my leg, I didn’t even know if it was moving or not.  I certainly couldn’t move it on my own nor could I walk on it.  I remember the first day a lady came in and said, “Ok, this is the day you will remember, I am going to teach you how to move your leg!”  I remember starring at her and she said, “yes, it sounds strange, but we think it is possible.”  That’s a good thing because I didn’t think it was possible.  She went on to tell me that my right arm was just weak and even though I couldn’t fully feel it or move it, it would catch up and eventually gain back the strength that was lost.  However, my right leg appeared to have nerves that seemed to be burnt off at the end.  It seemed as if in time my nerves would eventually grow back just like a lizard’s tail, but in the meantime I needed to learn how to move it and walk on it so that when that did happen I would be ready.  At that time they called it my dead leg.  She picked up my leg and told me, try to just think about this leg, try to move it out of my hand.  Don’t think about anything else but your leg.  At first, it just dropped back onto the bed.  Then, I felt pain in my upper hip and I realized that that is what I needed to focus on.  It is odd when you know your leg is there, because you see it, but you can’t feel it.  She came back every day and each day they added a new therapist for something new.  I had a therapist to help me stand, this lady help me figure out how to move my leg.  I had one to help my arm move and do things, I had another one to help me re-think and speak.  The two hardest things were learning to tell time and moving my leg.  Finally, I was able to move my leg and as soon as I did, I had was asked to focus on that movement while they helped me stand again.  Orginially I was learning to stand with one leg, now, I needed to stand knowing I have two legs and placing my body weight on both legs.  Try standing like a flamingo for many moments  and trying to balance on that one leg, you will see how easy it is not.  After several days, I was finally able to shift my left leg forward, relying on a walker, then pull my right leg to my side.  Each day I would have therapy, I would pray so hard, “God,  I don’t think I can do this!  They think I can, my husband thinks I can, but I don’t have faith in my body.  I only have faith in You.  If You think I can, please oh please show me how!”  As time went on, I would eventually be able to move my left leg then my right.  I can bend both legs and I can stand without help on both legs.  God is awesome!  Even though I know this, I still have to be reminded over and over again.  I have learned to not take for granted anything in this life, but to believe that God has me going through all of this to show off His skill and workmanship.  Each day is different.  Walking was difficult, but I can see how far I have come in two years.  As of two months ago, they discovered that my nerves are back, now they appear to be asleep so they refer my leg as a ‘sleeping leg’.   

God told me I would eventually get back onto my mountain, but getting back on top was not going to be as easy as just walking up the side through different ordeals in life.  It has become learning how to rely on my family, friends, and God to get back up and keep on going, even when I feel like all is lost and my nerves are dead.  

Trees

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Trees and plants are all around us.  There are big trees, little trees, wild trees, old trees and even ones you can park your car inside.  Trees are a wonderful gift to mankind.  You may notice that I love to take pictures of trees nearly everywhere I go.  

I know that I mentioned Fig trees already, but there are so many types of trees and they all have so many unique things about them I could write a book!  Since so many peole have already done this, I’ll just chat about some of the awesome things trees do for us and how it can mirror our relationships with God.

I will start with vegetation.  Plants and trees are not just pretty to look at, they are good for people and animals alike.  However, there are some that are not good for anyone.  One thing I remember as a child was that my brother liked to go out into the woods and gather different types of roots, cook them in the oven and make tea with them.  Ginger root, rose root, dandelion root, licorice root, and turmeric root are all examples of plants you can find, scavenge and cook in the oven to make into teas and other remedies.   Different parts of plants are good for everything from headaches, heart pain, bruising, broken bones, arthritis, asthma and so much more! Mint leaves can be used for nearly every ailment (not in the eyes).  I use to grow peppermint because if you eat the leaves when you have an upset stomach it can help calm it. If you are sick eating peppermint helps for many reasons.  I love using plants and trees leaves and oils to help in various ways even when I am sick.  

That isn’t all!  The bamboo plant is being pushed into the smaller and poorer communities around the world.  Bamboo has one of the highest CO2 and O2 levels than any other plant.  This means that bamboo (that grows like wildfire once planted) is cheap and it can be used to light a fire or warm up a house even if it is wet.  It is also extremely good as a house because of the amount of good Oxygen it contains.  It may be more expensive over here, but where it grows rampant in South America and Asia, many people can create houses and villages with it for cheap.  I often see it growing in random spots around town and didn’t know why.  When it rains, bamboo roots gather the rain and hold onto it.  That way when there is a drought, the bamboo trees and the trees around it will still thrive off of the water around it!  Guess who made bamboo! God knew what He was doing when He created it!  If you really look at some of these plants and trees you can see how awesome they really are and more than one reason they were created for us.  It wasn’t just for us to admire them, but to use them too for so many things.  Each tree is unique!  They all have different amazing and awesome attributes that help us as we endeavor in this thing called, ‘life’.  

In Ezekiel 47: 12 it says, “Fruit trees of all kinds will grow on both banks of the river.  Their leaves will not wither, nor will their fruit fail.  Every month they will bear fruit because the water from the sanctuary flows to them.  Their fruit will serve for food and their leaves for healing.” If you look at the forward verses of this one you will see that God put these trees and plants right there to help His people.  Trees and plants around you today, were placed there for the same reason.  Go back in the history of any land you live in and see how your ancestors used the trees around them and the plants around them for various reasons from building houses, tools, medicines, and food for their families.  

Next time you look at a tree, find out what it is and how it can help you, help your community or help the creatures around you.  You will see so much more than a tree, you will see another awesome creation of God!

Every Part of You…

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I am teaching 2nd grade this year and today was the first day of school. I love to tell my kids that they are awesome, amazing, unique and they can if they try.  We discussed the big word ,’affirmation’ and we took each word and put a definition to it.  The hardest word for them to understand was ‘unique’.  If you stand two children side by side, identical twins, they may look alike, but they are very different.  Each of them have different goals in life, one is quiet and the other is loud.  The one in my class doesn’t stay still but I was told the other one won’t move.  They are both unique, both are inspired by something that only talks to them.  Just like you.  You are unique!  You are not alike ANYONE else in the world.  Even our fingerprints are different even thought they may have some of the DNA captions from our family, they are different.  I go to different eye doctors because I have a weak eye (that closes when it gets tired).  My other eye can’t see close up without help.  My seeing eye doctor will stare into my eyes for a long time because my eyes are unique.  Instead of being a normal black pupil with a color and then white, mine are are in a group all of  their own.  I have the black pupil in the center then it changes.  I have hazel eyes then it is surrounded by gold spots.  Given the time of day these gold spots will appear to be falling around my eye.  Other times the gold will appear as if someone took a gold marker and outlined the inside and outside with it.  I always assumed it was normal, after all, I don’t really stare at my eyes in a mirror.  My doctor will tell you that it is a very different occurrence compared to everyone else’ eyes.  

That isn’t all.  My organs are different. While most people’s organs are located in the middle to the left of your body, my major ones are located to the left while my minor ones are on the right.  It makes it for an interesting conversation when I have scans done!  

The question I’d love to ask God is why did I have to be so much different.  I can honestly say that I am unique!  But, you don’t have to have different body parts you are just unique because you are you, no one else.  

It says in 1 Timothy 4: 4, ‘For every creation of God is good, and nothing that is received with thanksgiving should be rejected because it is sanctified by the word of God and prayer.’  You are God’s creation and no matter who you are, you are good.  Being unique is a great thing!  We stand up in class and show each other how unique we are.  Go, show the world how awesome that God made you unique and it is good!

Doesn’t always Go Our Way

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Chad and I prayed often about the upcoming surgery.  At first I was excited and I was sure that I would go in, have the surgery, be fine and ready to go back to school a few months later.  As time grew closer both of us began feeling like God had other plans.  I was nervous to start off with, but, I was given a sense of peace as time grew closer to the date.  I decided there were things I needed to do just in case I didn’t survive.  I know that God told us that He would take care of this and I would be back on my mountain, but once again He never said if I would do that on Earth or in Heaven.  Now, I had other people to worry about; my husband, my daughters, my friends, and my sister (she was adopted when she was young I didn’t meet her till I was 23).    I wanted them all to remember that God was in control if I lived or died and He loved all of them very much.  I prayed with my SM, with my friends, and with my husband.  We prayed for me, for my family, and that God would show us how to handle the results.  Chad would later tell me he didn’t think I would die, but he felt that something was going to happen and change our lives forever.  The headaches began getting worse but I was holding class 4 days a week and really struggling  but, I felt that I needed to be with my kids until the end of class.  I didn’t tell my parents what was going on, or that I may not be back I just let it be.  I did talk to my principal to find out what I needed to do just in case I couldn’t come back in August.  I made plans to have my three best friends come to stay with my daughters while I was having surgery.  The girls have grown up with the idea that the ‘Aunts’ were the ones to reckon with, to talk to, and to confide  in.  My girls were always excited to see each of them separately or all together so I decided this would be the best plan so that the ‘Aunts’ could know what was going on and my children would have support if something didn’t go as plan.

June 28, 2021 came early.  As we walked into the hospital there was no AC.  It was hot and even hotter with the masks on.  We found checked in and found the waiting room and waited and prayed.  The hot air caused the floors to be wet from sweat and the nurses told us that they had to put large fans in the surgery rooms to help cool down the room and dry up the sweaty floors.  Our 8am surgeries wouldn’t start for another 1/2 hour.  As time went on we noticed people’s names were disappearing from the tv screens on the wall.  The nurse came back out and told all of us that the rooms were almost cooled down enough, but because the AC was out they had to cancel the rest of the surgeries for the day.  In a few moments she came out again to get me. I told Chad, “May the Lord bless you and keep you..” Then he replied, “May His face shine upon you.” Then, I went with the nurse as she asked me questions and started giving me medicine to calm me down.  I told her I wanted to give Chad a kiss before surgery, she told me he would be in shortly.  I remember nothing else.   

Nothing worked the way anyone thought it would.  In the first surgery they realized that even after all the scans and tests the titanium plate was mesh now held in place by titantium nails in my cerebellum.  During surgery, I would have brain bleeding from the nails being removed.  They completed the surgery. Before they began to wake me up they discovered that my brain was hemorrhaging and since the doctor didn’t have any more surgeries, they went in for the 2nd time to find out what was going on.  The nurses were called at this time to get my room ready and told what was going on.  The nurses would later tell me that it was uncertain if I would survive this surgery or the night.  The doctor found out that another part of my brain was bleeding and as soon as he discovered it, he was able to get it to stop.   I wasn’t out of the woods yet, most people don’t survive brain bleeds, and I actually made it through surgery so no one was sure if  I would make it through the night.  I remember nothing.  My family said I did wake up and I was answering questions.  The first day I remember was July 4, 2021.  I questioned if I would hear fireworks.  I don’t remember many more days.  The first thing I noticed was that I couldn’t move my right arm very easily, nor could I fully feel it.  I also noticed that I couldn’t feel my right leg nor could I move it.  The doctors came in and told me that there was much for me to learn how to do and the first thing was to teach me how to move my leg and walk.    My first thought was: “WAIT, WHAT?”