Doesn’t always Go Our Way

Chad and I prayed often about the upcoming surgery.  At first I was excited and I was sure that I would go in, have the surgery, be fine and ready to go back to school a few months later.  As time grew closer both of us began feeling like God had other plans.  I was nervous to start off with, but, I was given a sense of peace as time grew closer to the date.  I decided there were things I needed to do just in case I didn’t survive.  I know that God told us that He would take care of this and I would be back on my mountain, but once again He never said if I would do that on Earth or in Heaven.  Now, I had other people to worry about; my husband, my daughters, my friends, and my sister (she was adopted when she was young I didn’t meet her till I was 23).    I wanted them all to remember that God was in control if I lived or died and He loved all of them very much.  I prayed with my SM, with my friends, and with my husband.  We prayed for me, for my family, and that God would show us how to handle the results.  Chad would later tell me he didn’t think I would die, but he felt that something was going to happen and change our lives forever.  The headaches began getting worse but I was holding class 4 days a week and really struggling  but, I felt that I needed to be with my kids until the end of class.  I didn’t tell my parents what was going on, or that I may not be back I just let it be.  I did talk to my principal to find out what I needed to do just in case I couldn’t come back in August.  I made plans to have my three best friends come to stay with my daughters while I was having surgery.  The girls have grown up with the idea that the ‘Aunts’ were the ones to reckon with, to talk to, and to confide  in.  My girls were always excited to see each of them separately or all together so I decided this would be the best plan so that the ‘Aunts’ could know what was going on and my children would have support if something didn’t go as plan.

June 28, 2021 came early.  As we walked into the hospital there was no AC.  It was hot and even hotter with the masks on.  We found checked in and found the waiting room and waited and prayed.  The hot air caused the floors to be wet from sweat and the nurses told us that they had to put large fans in the surgery rooms to help cool down the room and dry up the sweaty floors.  Our 8am surgeries wouldn’t start for another 1/2 hour.  As time went on we noticed people’s names were disappearing from the tv screens on the wall.  The nurse came back out and told all of us that the rooms were almost cooled down enough, but because the AC was out they had to cancel the rest of the surgeries for the day.  In a few moments she came out again to get me. I told Chad, “May the Lord bless you and keep you..” Then he replied, “May His face shine upon you.” Then, I went with the nurse as she asked me questions and started giving me medicine to calm me down.  I told her I wanted to give Chad a kiss before surgery, she told me he would be in shortly.  I remember nothing else.   

Nothing worked the way anyone thought it would.  In the first surgery they realized that even after all the scans and tests the titanium plate was mesh now held in place by titantium nails in my cerebellum.  During surgery, I would have brain bleeding from the nails being removed.  They completed the surgery. Before they began to wake me up they discovered that my brain was hemorrhaging and since the doctor didn’t have any more surgeries, they went in for the 2nd time to find out what was going on.  The nurses were called at this time to get my room ready and told what was going on.  The nurses would later tell me that it was uncertain if I would survive this surgery or the night.  The doctor found out that another part of my brain was bleeding and as soon as he discovered it, he was able to get it to stop.   I wasn’t out of the woods yet, most people don’t survive brain bleeds, and I actually made it through surgery so no one was sure if  I would make it through the night.  I remember nothing.  My family said I did wake up and I was answering questions.  The first day I remember was July 4, 2021.  I questioned if I would hear fireworks.  I don’t remember many more days.  The first thing I noticed was that I couldn’t move my right arm very easily, nor could I fully feel it.  I also noticed that I couldn’t feel my right leg nor could I move it.  The doctors came in and told me that there was much for me to learn how to do and the first thing was to teach me how to move my leg and walk.    My first thought was: “WAIT, WHAT?”

Bugs

I am one of those people that love to find out about creatures that live in my world.  I have to pick things up with tweezers these days but i used to pick things up in my hands and let them run all over me.  I didn’t have much technology around me when I was young instead I spent many times looking under rocks, inside tree holes and digging in the dirt.  I found all sorts of different types of bugs; centipedes, millipedes, tree roaches, flying bugs, red worms, white worms, and brown worms.  Oh, I loved to play outside and with the bugs!  When my classroom children learn about something it is often about bugs because I find them so unique and there are so many different types it is so awesome!  How can we look at these creatures and see them in our own lives?  This week I want to focus on how we are all amazing and unique.  Each bug was created with a goal in mind and you may not know why they are here, but even the bugs have a plan on earth!

If you think of a roach think of how gross they look.  You have to wonder why anyone would want to eat one, right?  Actually, clean roaches contain so many vitamins and minerals that they are one of the best bugs to eat.  (don’t eat the ones in your house).  Crickets are high in iron which is often why people will eat them.  They are also high in fat.  Millipedes eat unwanted creatures like (dirty roaches), poisonous spiders, and gnats.  Worms are full of meat, iron, vitamins, and many minerals.  No, you might not see me eating them, anymore, but, it is nice to know why there have to be these strange-looking bugs with us!

You are Amazing!

Do you know what it means to be amazing?  To be precious?  To be unique or special?  Are you aware, that you are ALL of these?  You are.  I was brought up believing that I couldn’t fit into God’s mold because I was retarded.  I remember hearing how God didn’t want people like me because I couldn’t be perfect, I couldn’t fit in a mold, I couldn’t fit in anyone’s mold.  I was called, ‘the black sheep, an evil omen, bad luck, a whore, the devil’s advocate, Satan’s child.’  Few people thought that I could mentally pass the age of 7 and when I did they didn’t think I would pass 10, 12 or 20.  I did, I also found out that God didn’t care if I am special. I recently messaged a friend who lives in another country.  He works with children, much like myself that are special.  He says it breaks his heart that the parents believe their child is cursed and often the dads leave or both parents.  It is not an uncommon thought.  I am here to tell you, to tell everyone, it is a blessing to have a special child and not a curse because it is through special children that God’s love can show brighter.  God does use us, He believes in us even when no human can and He will show the world that even through us He can shine His power.  You are amazing!  You are precious!  You are unique!  I believe the verse in the Bible that says, “You plotted evil against me, but God used it for good.” (Genesis 50:20).  Yes everyone is special in some shape or form and we all have inabilities and disabilities.   I have autism, ADHD, Trisomy X, OCD, ODD, Chiari Malformation 1, Hashimoto’s, Asthma, brain damage,  paralysis and you know what?!  Even with all of that, I am special to many people including my doctors, but, I am unique and I am blessed by God in so many ways!  That is what makes each of us unique!  Next time you look at anyone different than you thank God for them!

Videos

I have had to split my videos up to different pages.  One page has my videos more about a personal view of things that God does in our personal lives.  Whereas this page contains the ones that God teaches me to trust in Him. 

In the Strength of a Fig Tree

  • I often times find myself wishing that God would give me a break or a vacation instead of believing that I can handle the next storm that comes at me. I can’t help to wonder if He doesn’t see me more as a fig tree, rather than a me.

What do you know about fig trees?  Fig trees are the strongest trees in the world.  Did you know that there are fig trees in Africa that have been there for thousands of years?  That tree that Jonah mentioned in the Bible, is still there (not the one he cursed). Job even talks about a fig tree and how the fruit was there to quench his thirst.  The crazy thing about fig trees is that the weather in parts of Africa and the Middle East (where these trees are found) can go from one extreme to the next.  Add to it that they even have earthquakes, sandstorms, land fires and so much more, and yet, the trees still stand.  No matter what; the trees still grow, still produce green leaves and fruit.  Extreme hot, extreme cold, earthquakes,  sandstorms, storms, and drought can not take it over or tear it down.  Even people have to have special tools before they can tear it down because it is not only the oldest trees but their root systems are so well rooted, it is almost impossible to uproot and destroy.  In fact, there is only ONE  verse I the Bible that says anyone was successful in killing and withering up a fig tree and that was God .  No wonder, the word strength is what you find when you search up fig trees.  No wonder, they are still around after thousands of years.  No wonder, the fig trees that are mentioned in the Bible are still around today.   Maybe I am ok with God seeing me as a fig tree, maybe I’m a specialty fig tree.  What about you?  Leave a comment and tell me what kind of tree you would like to be thought of and why.

The verse I see that goes along with this is:

Galatians 5:22 MSG

But what happens when we live God’s way?  He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard-